Carlo Martinez

THIS EDITION Volume 21, No. 2 February 27, 2003

Front Page

Friendship:
A Life Decision

By Carlo Martinez
Contributing Writer

As I rushed through the crowded halls on my first day of high school, I skeptically observed groups of students smiling, hugging and socializing, seemingly without fear of each other. Unlike myself, everyone cheerfully conversed without realization to the possibility of losing a good companion, a confidant, or loyal admirer. I never understood how two or more people could believe so much in each other without concern about deception. Maybe that is why it took me several years to believe that trustworthy people do really exist, to trust that people are worthwhile and to trust most importantly in myself or the decisions I make.

One person who changed how I related to others was my high school girlfriend. She was a perfect example of a loyal, faithful friend, and someone I could confide in during critical times of my life. She convinced me, moreover, that there were others like her and introduced me to her friends. With her help, I slowly started phasing out the untrustworthy people in my life and started believing that I could make wise choices in finding good friends. An instance of this came at a time when I was struggling to excel academically. She made me realize that my friends were not concerned for my best interests; they would only hold me back from attending school. Thereafter, I learned to see friends who valued life and respected my goals. It was as if I was seeing life through the eyes of my girlfriend, which in turn brought new insight on how I would perceive someone who was trustworthy.

Without doubt, believing that trustworthy people do really exist was a matter of personal faith, especially on the ideas and values my girlfriend shared with me. She contributed to my understanding that life without friendship was comfortless, lonely and companionless. In addition, she made me see that my intolerance of the beliefs and opinions of others was a true sign that my life needed to change, that I could place trust in someone who would not let me down. Furthermore, she made me comprehend that being isolated and fearing society would bring grief, stress and confusion to my life. This is the same solitude and fear that was encountered in Brent Staples’ (1986) essay, “Just Walk on By: A Black Man Ponders His Power to Alter Public Space.” In this particular essay, Staples speaks of his despair when he writes, “In that first year, my first away from hometown, I was to become thoroughly familiar with the language of fear.”

In my opinion, the writer’s uneasiness with others was leaving him so disconnected and lonesome, giving no room to trust in others. The writer gives a perfect example of his disconnection with people when he says, “I began to take precautions to make myself less threatening. I move about with care, particularly late in the evening. I give a wide berth to nervous people on subway platforms during the wee hours, particular when I have exchanged business clothes for jeans.” Without a doubt, it is normal to fear someone you do no know, but to distance yourself from the problems you have to face day in and day out is difficult to endure. We need to confront our problems and believe that good and trustworthy people do really exist.

Similar to Staples’ fear, I was faced with fear: a fear that drove me to look deeper within myself. As a result, I found that if I could trust and believe in myself, I could trust and believe in the decisions I made in finding a loyal friend. So I found a personal method of distinguishing the goal-oriented people from the uninspired people. To better illustrate, I began to focus on people’s behaviors, values and personal outlooks on life. Along with their attributes, I began to pay close attention to their appearance, their surroundings, and the types of friends they chose. Indeed, friendship seemed so difficult at first, but I found a way to overcome the problems in finding a good friend. A self-realization came about and I found that good people existed, beneficial to my good being. Thereafter, it was just a matter of being patient, having hope and devising a strategy that would eliminate those bad friends.

Finding good friends began with meeting a good friend first, my girlfriend. At the same time, it took self-determination, motivation and a change of attitude to bring about this change, a change that anyone can achieve if they are willing to sacrifice their time, willing to modify their behavior and succumb to finding a good friend. It does not require a great deal of effort, but it does require patience, a positive mind and a moral heart. Furthermore, it takes trust in others and trust in myself to believe that fairness, respect, and love will come to all mankind who wish to find a good friend. (Carlo Martinez is in Dr. Seeley’s English 1301 class.)