Welcome to the North Lake College Newspaper

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Domestic violence story causes student to write

An NLC Student
(name withheld upon request)

Dear Editor,

Thank you for Alisa Hill’s article on domestic violence that you published in last month’s News-Register. I saw myself in the story, and thought others may benefit from my experience.

Domestic violence is not one of the things that victims and their families discuss openly, much less make known to others. Before you say “I would never let anyone beat on me,” I want you to know that I said the same thing and I truly hope you won’t.

My relationship with my boyfriend did not start out with slaps, kicks and punches. It started like many other relationships. We shared our life stories, dreams and hopes for the future. He slowly began doing little things like telling me not to talk to someone or not to go somewhere, and began calling me names — things that, at first, I dismissed. These random acts escalated one day when he slapped me.

I stopped seeing him for awhile. I returned to living the way I had before I met him. After a couple of months, he talked me into giving him another chance. Things were okay for awhile. We were happy. I got pregnant and we seemed to have started over. Then things slowly went back to the way they were before. Then they got worse.

We began having yelling matches where we cursed or insulted each other. Then he began on occasion to lose control and punch me. Then he would go back and tell me he’d never do it again. Eventually, every time we argued I could expect to be hit at least once and to hear how he was sorry and that it was my fault I had provoked him in some way. Later this changed to where I could expect to be hit more and more with no apology.

The worst case was when he hit me so hard that he caused me to black out. I didn’t even remember what happened right before the fight! When I snapped out of it, I was standing in front of the mirror looking at my shattered reflection. I had always thought myself to be pretty, but that changed when I looked in the mirror. He had busted my lip from the inside of my gum line to the outside of my lip. My front tooth was knocked inside my mouth to the point that I could wiggle it all the way forward and all the way back. My tooth did not fall out. My lip eventually healed. I spent three months drinking everything out of a straw and eating only soft foods before my tooth and mouth healed enough that I could eat my food in small pieces. Yes, I left him again. No, this time it was not for good. We tried our relationship two more times before he stopped beating me.

The one thing I would like to reinforce is that I do not want your sympathy because I had a choice. I want you to know that you do too. My boyfriend is one of the few batterers who actually changed. I'm one of the lucky victims who is still alive.

Although the beatings have stopped, the memories of them remain. The scars are not all visible, but they have not been erased either. So as you go into your next relationship, remember my story. Remember that most victims of domestic violence remain victims, go into hiding to escape their abuser, or continue to live in the circle of abuse.

Today you can choose not to be a victim.