Behind Closed Doors

Dear Dr. A:
Why do people always say, “let’s be friends” at the end of a relationship?
- Confused

Dear “Confused”:
The ending of a relationship, especially one that has been long standing, or very intimate, can be a very hurtful and agonizing thing. It often requires a great deal of time to allow ourselves to heal, before we can “be friends”, or even have a friendly relationship with a previous partner. We don’t like to think of ourselves as being at fault, or having hurt someone. The gesture of friendship is an attempt to sooth our pain, and normalize our interactions with the person we were once intimately connected to. When a breakup is a mutual thing, the ability to become friends has a higher probability, than when the breakup is one sided. The key, I suppose, is to give ourselves the time we need to heal.

Dear Dr. A:
Do you think having a “threesome” is harmful to a relationship?
- Just wondering

Dear “Just Wondering”:
I suspect that you’re not too comfortable with the idea, or you wouldn’t have written. Inviting a third person into a relationship is problematic at best, even if it is for just a night of sex. When sexual fantasy is made concrete, it often erupts into jealous, suspicion and hurt feelings. Although some couples have reported no difficulty with this activity, most find problems somewhere down the line. Perhaps the best advice is to let the fantasy remain a fantasy, and simply play with the idea, instead of acting upon it.

Dear Dr. A:
What is the average age a person loses his/her virginity?
- Curious

Dear “Curious”:
According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the average age of first sexual intercourse is 15.7 years. More Southerners started before the age of 15 than any other region.