Behind Closed Doors
Christan Amundsen is a professor of psychology
and religion. He has a private psychotherapy practice
and teaches a course on human sexuality at NLC. Dear Dr. A:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now. Things are great with us, and we are talking about getting married.
When we told my parents they kind of freaked out, especially my Mom. I still live with my parents, and the tension has been high.
The problem is, according to them, is my boyfriend’s religion. My parent’s are conservative Christians, and my boyfriend is Mormon. It’s not an issue between us at all, but they are wanting me to talk with our minister and either convert my boyfriend or end the relationship.
I am the youngest child and the only one still living at home. Do you think that has anything to do with this?
What should I do?
- Tension at Home
Dear “Tension at Home”:
I think your intuition is telling you that the primary issue is you’re leaving your parent’s home.
The religious issue is invested with a great deal of energy from the fear that your parents have of you not being around. After all, when you move out, they are forced to deal with their own lives.
The religious issue becomes a convenient conflict. This is not to say that your parent’s religious conviction is not important to them. But, if this doesn’t bother you, and you have this worked out with your boyfriend, then they’ll have to learn to live with it.
Perhaps the best thing that you can do is to talk with your parents about the idea of trust, and that you have thought through the issues, and that you feel that they have given you the tools to make good decisions for yourself.
Validate their stress, but assure them you are capable.
Dear Dr. A:
This probably sounds silly, but I am really shy, and there is a guy in one of my classes that I really like. How do I go about meeting him?
- Shy Girl
Dear “Shy Girl”:
No, it doesn’t sound silly. Many of us are shy, and it’s difficult to make connections.
Since he is in a class with you, why not ask him something about the material being covered in class, or ask to see his notes on a particular topic? You may find that he is open to talking.
While looking at his notes, ask him what his major is, where he lives, etc. Be interested in him, and he may get interested in you.
Who knows? After all, you have nothing to lose. |
