Behind Closed Doors

Dear Dr. A:
I am really struggling with my relationship right now. The funny thing is, nothing is wrong. Everything is going great, and he is the sweetest guy in the world. He treats me like a queen, and I can’t complain about anything really. But, I feel so uneasy and, I don’t know – restless. It’s not that I want to be with other guys, because I don’t. However, sometimes I find myself looking at other guys and flirting with them, and more than anything, I find myself picking fights with my boyfriend for no real reason. My friends tell me I’m crazy, and that I’m just sabotaging the relationship. Help! What do you think, Dr. A?

- Freaking Out

Dear “Freaking Out”:
Your friends may be right. If you find yourself creating arguments and bickering for no reason and doing other things that create conflict, perhaps you are struggling with your own self worth. The old saying, “I wouldn’t join a club that would have someone like me as a member” comes to mind. There may be many family of origin issues involved, as well. But what does strike me is that you didn’t mention whether you were in love with him. That’s an interesting tidbit to leave out. He may be the greatest guy in the world, but if you aren’t in love with him, perhaps you are unconsciously trying to end the relationship without admitting to yourself the real reason. A few sessions with a therapist may be in order. This may take some time to sort out, but it’s important that you do. Your happiness is at stake.

Dear Dr. A:
It’s getting close to finals and I’m stressed out. I need, no, I have to make good grades this semester to be able to transfer. My girlfriend says she’s supportive, but gets really frustrated with me when I need time to study and to finish the papers that are due. I don’t want to be nasty to her, but she continues to bother me to the point that I can’t get anything done. I really love her. What do I do?

- Trying to Study

Dear “Trying to Study”:
Your girlfriend sounds pretty insecure right now. You didn’t say where you where transferring to – whether it was close by or miles away. Reassuring her is important. She may be afraid that she is going to lose you. Have dinner with her and have a heart-to-heart talk. Above all, reassure her, and tell her how important it is to you to succeed, and that you need her support and love. And, that you aren’t leaving her.