BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Christan Amundsen is a professor of psychology and religion. He has a private psychotherapy practice and teaches a course on human sexuality at NLC.

Dear Dr. A:

My boyfriend has a “MySpace” page. All his “friends” are girls. At first I didn't think anything about it. But then I started feeling a little weird about it. I mean — why are all these girls wanting to be his “friends”? Is something going on? Or am I just fl ipping out. He tells me that it doesn't mean anything, that people sign up to be your friend just to network or simply to have more contacts and a large friends group. That's true, I know. But still, I feel funny about this whole thing. Is this my issue, or is he up to something?

— Feeling Funny

Dear “Feeling Funny”:

If he's shared the contents of his page with you, and you have no evidence of him being anything but straightforward about your relationship — then chances are it's your issue. Talk with him about your insecurities, and be sure to own up to your issue with all this. As far as I know, MySpace can be a lot of fun. True, it can be abused and has been, but chances are your boyfriend is just having fun. My guess is that you have guys on your MySpace page that are just MySpace friends. Work on the strength of your communication, and if there are issues from your past that are invading your current relationship, then you can work on that.

—•—

Dear Dr. A:

My boyfriend and I live in different cities — actually, different parts of the United States. I live here, and he lives in Virginia. I see him about once every six weeks. We talk on the phone several times a day. My problem is this: when we get together he wants sex right away. To be honest, I don't really enjoy sex that much. It's fine and all, but I don't like having sex as much as he does — and certainly not the minute we see each other after not having seen each other for six weeks. This is causing some problems in our relationships.

He says he feels that I don't love him that much. I do, but it's hard to turn on and off all the time. What do I do? We've talked about me moving there — but that scares me. My family and friends are here. I'm not sure what I want.

— Help!

Dear “Help!”:

Long distance relationships are always difficult. There comes a time when difficult decisions have to be made, and it sounds like that's where you are in your relationship. Perhaps the real issue here is whether you wish to continue this relationship. If he cannot move here, and you don't want to move there, perhaps that tells you a truth about how you are feeling. Be honest with yourself. Are you pulling back because he isn't the one? Or, is it fear of the dramatic change to allow yourself to have this relationship fully. It's time for some honest soul searching. Perhaps the sex issue tells you something you need to listen to.