BEHIND
CLOSED
DOORS
Christan Amundsen is a
professor of psychology and
religion. He has a private
psychotherapy practice and
teaches a course on human
sexuality at NLC.
Dear Dr. A:
My parents hate my boyfriend.
I think mostly it comes down to
the fact that he isn't a Christian.
My family is a very religious one.
We have always gone to church every
Sunday.
Now that I have been dating my
boyfriend, I haven't been going to
church with my family, and they
think it's his fault. It's not true, really.
I just need not to go for a while. I'm
not sure what I believe anymore.
My boyfriend has nothing to do
with this really. He's always been
good about not getting involved
with this rift between me and my
family, but it's getting so bad, I
don't know what to do. I'm 19 and
still living at home, and depend on
their financial support - so I feel
trapped. What do I do?
- Trapped
Dear "Trapped":
Your situation is not uncommon.
I think it is natural
for us to go through a
spiritual crisis as we mature
and grow. Also, because
you are maturing
and growing, you are naturally
pulling away from
your parent's authority,
trying to find your own
way.
The difficulty, of course, is your
continuing need of their support.
I'm assuming that you have tried to
talk this through with your parents.
If you haven't tried, then do so immediately.
Be honest and loving, and
hopefully the love you share will
create a safer environment. Barring
that, it is probably time to work toward
becoming independent.
Your
parents' fear and
your anger are relationship
destroyers
- so it's important
to find a healthy
way to allow your
own growth while
respecting your
parents' concerns.
This is never easy. Guard against
using your boyfriend as a vehicle of
fl ight to avoid this painful situation.
That would not be helpful or advised.
Seek a therapeutic situation,
or some wise friends to talk to.
Take care of yourself so your frustrations
don't get the best of you.
-.-
Dear Dr. A:
I worry about everything. How
can I stop?
- Worrying Myself to Death
Dear "Worrying":
Worrying is our attempt to control
the world with our minds. The
key to life is letting go, and letting
be.
Perhaps the best thing I can say
to you in a brief kind of forum such
as this is to learn to accept life on
its terms, not yours. Life is to be
lived, not managed.
I imagine there are many issues
involved with your worrying, but in
the end, the answer will rest with
your simple acceptance of life, and
allowing yourself and others to be
where they are and where you are. |
