BEHIND
CLOSED
DOORS
Christan Amundsen is a
professor of psychology and
religion. He has a private
psychotherapy practice and
teaches a course on human
sexuality at NLC.
Dear Dr. A:
My girlfriend and I have been
together for about a year now. Everything
is good. The problem is
that her friend keeps coming on
to me.
When my girlfriend is not
around, she flirts with me and
tells me that she is really attracted
to me. I don't know what to do
about this. She is my girlfriend's
best friend. I haven't said anything
to my girlfriend
about this.
How should I handle
this? I'm lost.
- Lost in Irving
Dear "Lost":
From your letter, it
sounds like you have
been reluctant to talk
directly to your girlfriend's
friend about this. It's time
that you do.
My sense is that you are reluctant
because you are afraid to hurt
her feelings, or to cause friction
in the friendship between this girl
and your girlfriend. However, this
is an important moment where
you have to have a good boundary
and make it clear how much
you care for your girlfriend.
Tell your girlfriend's best friend
how important your relationship is,
and that you want to keep the relationship
safe and honest. Hopefully,
she'll appreciate your honesty
and sensitivity. If not, more direct
language will have to be used.
-.-
Dear Dr. A:
My boyfriend and I have a
good sex life, or
at least I thought
we did. Recently,
I came home
one afternoon and
caught him masturbating.
I was
really shocked.
He was embarrassed
and said
that it didn't mean anything, he
just needed the "relief." We had
an argument about it because I
felt like he didn't like having sex
with me. I'm not sure what to believe.
Help.
- Shocked
Dear "Shocked":
It is not unusual that people in
a healthy, committed and sexually
active relationship would masturbate.
It is very normal. Your
boyfriend is just being a typical
young male.
The shame around this is what
can hurt the relationship, not the
act. Work on being accepting. If
there are no signs of sexual discord
and your relationship is
good, why make this an issue, because
it's not. |
